The Difference Between Mean and Women

Earlier today my mom sent me the following email but the subject of the email was titled "The Difference Between Mean and Women"...  After reading the article, I'm certain it was a Freudian slip, but I guess that's just one woman's b̶i̶a̶s̶e̶d̶ opinion ;)  Here's what the email contained... What do you guys think?  Freudian slip or innocent typo?

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women. 

People!  I am befuddled! Is this TRUE???  Do men really not think about relationships hardly at all?  I just don't believe it... Because I can certainly attest that the aforementioned female inner-monologue is wholly accurate (but shhh don't tell anyone that :).

If this is a realistic representation though then, I mean, WOW.  Just wow.

MORAL OF THE STORY: "Mean" are from Mars and Women are from Venus.  #truth.

Ponder that as you embark on your weekends! :)

XOXO

The Periodic Table

This post probably would have been more aptly published yesterday (on the day of fools) as it contains a bit of trickery but alas, hindsight is 20/20.. We do not cry over spilled milk here at Keeley Kraft!  Plus, this concept is worthy of note, any day of the year, so today I'm going to share with you an ingenious multifunctional solution for small spaces... It's rad.  Get excited.

Before I get into it though, let's throw around some design philosophy/shop talk, shall we?  Ain't nuthin' wrong with making ourselves feel a little intellectual amidst all the pretty photos every now and then, am I right??  Isn't there something that feels so futuristic about efficient spaces?  Where everything has a place and function and frivolity is frowned upon?  This concept of smart design goes hand in hand with simplification which is the backbone of modern design.  Modern design is known for its clean lines and lack of clutter.  Blending functionality with aesthetics is valued heavily in this genre and the focus on a lack of clutter lends itself to a mantra of only keeping items that are being used at that moment, visible in the space. The following feature I'm about show you, epitomizes this idea to a T.   Add to the fact that micro-lofts (read: urban shoeboxes) are becoming increasingly popular and these features go from just being cute to actually adding value.  For those in questionably studio apartments, these space hacks could mean the difference between being too cramped to habitable. 

And now, if I've explained myself even at all, I want to further bolster your intellectual ego and give you guys a little test (don't feel bad at all if you can't figure it out, because that is the whole point!  It's a trick question, ya fools! :). There is an element in the following room that be converted from its original state to function as something entirely different... Can you tell what it is???

What do those words mean??  Does someone not know how to spell "bread", "milk", or "sugar"? LOL.

Good job, you budding engineers!  The chalkboard turns into a table!  I knew my readers were a savvy bunch!  ;)

Pretty clever, huh?  Similar to the concept of a Murphy bed, the "framed chalkboard" folds down and the frame acts as a support for the table surface.  But really, there are lots of ways to disguise your Fifth Element-style wall mounted table.

Chickety check out some more of these "krafty" examples of this concept to further illustrate how this magic trick "unfolds" (hee hee). 

Here's something I found on Pinterest about how to make a cabinet + drop-down table... Maybe the diagram will be helpful?  Maybe not?

Love that blouse with those mom jeans.. ;)

And for those that are feeling extra ambitious - a true triple threat!  Look out!

BAM!  Now I expect you all to bust one of these out by next week for your homework. 

Happy Hump Day!

Bulletproof Style

My friend Sam has always been one of those girls that can pull off "cool" in that effortless way that so many people (myself included) strive for.  From the moment I met her, I wanted to be her friend and have always been in awe of her personal style, her laid back vibe and her command of who she is and what she's all about - the girl knows how to rock it!  So when she announced that she was going to be starting her own jewelry line, I knew it was going to be good.  To add to her cool factor, Sam used to wield a welding torch around her garage making sick jewelry as a hobby, which if that doesn't spell B-A-D-A-S-S, I'm not really sure what does..  She always had a unique array of jewelry pieces that she would wear and every time I would ask her where she got something, she would reply that she had made it... Oh. great, so I can't get it anywhere?  Sweet.  But then.... she decided to come out with her own brand and when her line launched, the jewelry market became a better place! #truth

One of my favorite pieces she would wear (and clearly, others' favorite as well) was this necklace she had made out of a empty bullet casing with which she had filled the open part of the shell with a exotic stone.  The rifle casing had come from her grandfather's 21 Gun Salute funeral service and in the most creative way possible she had created a way to commemorate and remember him at all times, with both style and sentimentality in perfect harmony.

After garnering countless comments and compliments on this unique and special jewelry piece  that she had made, Sam took an courageous risk and decided to start her own business designing and selling these necklaces and others like them, using the bullet casing as inspiration and tribute for her line and business as a while.  

Today, Sam and her equally awesome sister, Tess, run "Shield and Honor" the company behind these sick necklaces and have just come out with their newest line, titled the "Symphony Collection."

All of the necklaces are a reflection of Sam's inherent "coolness" but it doesn't take someone knowing her to tell how rad these jewelry pieces are because they speak for themselves:

And as if owning one of these sweet necklaces wasn't enough to boost your cool points, a portion of the proceeds from the sale of each Shield and Honor necklace is donated to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund... which means you're also a good person and that's the coolest thing to be, man!

Shield and Honor necklaces from the new Symphony Collection can be purchased HERE.  Older styles can be purchased HERE. 

Have a killer weekend, everybody!

A Travel Bug Infestation

For the past few days, I've been getting after it with my "real job," renting out vacation rentals (see what I do for realz, here), and the long and the short of it is, that I've been booking a lot of vacations for OTHER PEOPLE.  Funny thing is, all it made me want to do was go on vacation myself (imagine that!) and so now it is safe to say that the travel bug is BACK! (Did it ever leave??) In fact, my thoughts have become infested with these bugs! Eek! Granted, there are worse bug problems to be saddled with but in the case of this type, it's been my experience that the only way to eradicate the crafty critter is by giving into it.... "Don't try to fight it.." 

So, as a first step towards exterminating these nagging little pests, I've decided to air my frustrations out on here by exposing you all to one wanderlust-worthy destination that's been topping my to-go list for a while.  The perfect balance between relaxing and exotic, this little getaway has my number on speed-dial - and it won't stop calling!  Geeeeez!   

This gem is in the Maldives and is called "Huvafen Fushi" (pronunciation unknown):

I know, I already posted about thatched roof aqua lodges here, but onesly, how could one ever tire of a true ocean view from every angle?!  And your own private hut in the middle of the sea?  And And jumping into the ocean from your balcony?? I mean... You're as close to sleeping with the fishes as you're going to get aside from getting "taken care of" by the mob.

They also have an underwater spa which.. 'Nuff said.

To find out more information about this too-good-to-be-true resort, click here.  And if you go, do not bothering sending me a postcard because, I will hate you forever.

Happy Thursday!

Stocking the Lacquer Cabinet

Goodness gracious, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!  Have I got some exciting news for you all today! 

If you're reading this blog, I'm going to assume that you share, if even only a shred of, a predilection for my design aesthetic.  And if we assume that is true, then it's probably also safe to assume that a good lacquer paint job probably makes you swoon just as much as it is does me.  Coincidentally, or perhaps not coincidentally at all, a truly professional-looking lacquer job not that easy to achieve.  It's is not really something anyone can just whip off in an afternoon in their garage.  Using high gloss spray paint won't exactly give you that luscious sheen that is so... yummy and to add to confusion and difficulty, there are some funky laws that vary among states about what's legal to use in terms of lacquer spray paint, who can use it and where and how it can be used.  For example, in California, it's illegal for an automotive paint shop with a state of the art paint booth to use or spray lacquer. However, a hobbyist shooting it in his garage is exempt as is a cabinet maker who has no booth.  Strange.  But not to worry, I come here to day bearing good news, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.  I recently found out a product that is going to change the dynamics of the lacquer exclusivity by leaps and bounds.  This product that I'm about to drop on y'all, purports to produce the quality results that have lacquer-fanatics, like us, lusting after.  And so again, I say "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!"  These times, they are a-changin'!

So without further ado, allow me to introduce: Amy Howard Lacquer Spray Paints! 

Here are some examples of the product's handiwork.  

Click HERE to buy some for your next makeover project. 

Now get after it! :) XOXO