True Life: I Am A Picnic Hoarder

Sooo... I think we're at that point in our relationship where I reveal something personal/a shameful secret that makes me vulnerable, so that we can strengthen our reader-writer bond.  That's how it works, right? Blogger Bonding Moment?  Well, let's hope so because here goes: I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of picnicking.  Like, bad.  I have this problem with buying all of these items that would be just absolutely perfect for a picnic and most of those items still have the tags on them.  #hoaderproblems

A few people close to me know the extent of my picnic accessory hoarding but I keep most of my picnic stuffs scattered among different closets in my house, under my bed, and even in the trunk of my car, just in case there is an emergency picnic situation, of course (super likely). The amount of items I have for a picnic is proportional to the rest of my possessions by a 1:3 ratio. We're talking picnic baskets, bags, serving dishes, wine accessories, cheese accessories, tents, tables, champagne buckets, picnic games, blankets (omg, blankets), you name it, I probably have it. But here is the most sickening part of my disorder: Whenever I do get an opportunity to picnic (I usually do this little victory dance in private) but, I don't end up bringing most of my "materials" because I am too afraid people will think me weird for being SO overprepared. You can call me a boyscout to the tenth power.  I would practically need a suitcase just to carry all of my supplies to the designated picnic spot.  Oh wait, they have that:

I NEED this.

But they say the first step to curbing an addiction is admitting it. So, check. And maybe now since I've done so in such a public way, it's like I just gave the power it has over me, the bird? I actually had a totally different direction in mind for this post but it kind of took on a life of its own. My initial inspiration for the post came from a picnic activity I engaged in last night, where I was accused of being Mary Poppins because of how much stuff I kept pulling out of my bag (and they didn't even know the half of it, ha!) at an outdoor concert on the beach in Hermosa Beach where people set up picnics, drink libations and enjoy the jams. (Um yes, I live in the coolest place ever!) So, I was going to post about the concert and the sweetness of the scene but I sense your attention span is probably waning and there are concerts/picnics every Sunday during the month of August (best month ever!) so I will have more opportunities to tell you all about that! A little foreshadowing here but, the forecast of more picnic posts in the future is strong to very strong.

So, if you've made it this far, thank you for being part of my public therapy session. Now I'll make it up to you by giving you some pretty picnic images, that are the stuff of my dreams.

That's just too good to be real. 

I think my life would be complete if I could be transported here.

Got nothing but love for this bohemian picnic set up.

I bet that was the best night. #jealous

But the winner is.... 

Hipster or European?  Either way, amazeballs!   

Take that Monday! 

Rebel For A Cause

Loyal readers, computer robots, people of the congregation:  I NEED YOUR HELP. Gather ye round, gather your mamas, your mamas' mamas, and anyone within five degrees of separation of your online presence, because we have a mission.  Or more, I have a mission and you are going to help me.  Why? Because I said so.

Mission Objective: One of my BFF's (we go back like 10 years, yo) is getting married in 2 months. Last fall, at her engagement party, she pulled me aside, or into the powder room rather, and commissioned me with a v. specific bridesmaid task. With a straight face, she informed me that it was my duty and most important responsibility as one of her ladies in waiting, to get the honorable, Rebel Wilson, to attend one of the wedding events. (The Lady Rebel, is my amiga's numero uno chica de amor, comprende?). In the event that you have not had access to media for the past year and a half, allow me to proffer some testimony as to who this special human being is:

"At first I did not know that it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book."

Look familiar? Maybe this short video clip will help: 

I think she [the bride-to-be] knew, at that time, that my chance to prove my worth as bridal party member would come. And it's finally here, in a totally coincidental and miraculous form of destiny. Using this "blahg" as a channel, we are going to bring our girl "home."

Mission Breakdown: This not-so-secret mission will commence at the time of posting. I am relying on the relationships of you elite readers and imploring upon you, to reach out and pull some strings!

We have exactly one month before the bachelorette party for us to get in touch with her, extend the invitation and coerce her to attend. And if, by some sick twist of fate, that doesn't work out, as a last ditch effort, the actual wedding ceremony/reception is in 2 months, where her presence will be even more momentous.

I will offer all ideas a seat at the table, so bust out that favor you're due that you've been holding onto for the right moment and network the shit out of your connections because as they say in Pitch Perfect (a Rebel classic) "if at first you don't succeed, pack your bags" ... and ya, that is just not an option.  PLEASE, save me from a legacy as a "bridesmaid of dishonor."  And just know, as we embark upon this journey together, I think you all have "fat hearts," and I have faith in every one of you!

So sound your REBEL YELL. Let's do this people!  

I'll leave you with just a little more Rebel goodness to catapult you into your weekend!

Word to your mother. 

Lettuce Talk About Salad

TBT (which I'm using to stand for "Truth Be Told" as opposed to "Throw Back Thursday" for the purposes of this post), I had a longer, heartier topic I was going to post about today but I ultimately decided it just wasn't camera-ready. And so, out of respect for all you discerning readers, I put it on the back burner.  In due time, my people, it will be posted and you will bow down to its glory.  But today, just take this post for what it is.  This is a post about a salad.  One, truly phenomenal salad, however, that if nothing else, takes the cake for "Best Dressed" against all other salads in all the lands. 

Behold, The Stetson Salad.     

AMIRITE?  That is one sexy salad, if ever there was one!  Oh, and it tastes good too!  Have I got you salivating at the thought of me handing over the recipe?  Well first, I have to give credit where credit is due... Come on, don't be greedy! 

This beaute of a salad comes from a wonderful little restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona called Cowboy Ciao.  I had the absolute pleasure of patronizing this fine establishment a few years ago when I went to watch my mighty Colorado Buffaloes get utterly crushed by the ASU Sun Devils in football.  But I'm no martyr (not all the time, at least).   I saw the silver lining of the trip burning ever so brightly when my trusty Scottsdale advisor instructed me to order this salad.  And Eureka!  A love affair was born.  A sheer genius, I tell you, the chef who created this.  So now, without further ado, I present you with the formula for greatness:

I must make mention that I have found there is some debate about which ingredients to include and not to include as well as how certain elements are prepared.  But since this is MY medium of expression, you'll get MY version, and you'll like it!  (Hint:  I don't like the salad with the Israeli couscous so I leave it out and I also prefer to use grilled or peppered salmon instead of the smoked salmon) but blah, blah "to each their own."

ARUGULA: Chopped
ROMA TOMATOES: Diced
PEPPERED SALMON: You can usually find pre-packaged peppered salmon in the refrigerated section, where you would find smoked salmon, at your local grocery store.  Or you can grill salmon too.  While the recipe calls for smoked salmon, I found it to be a little too... raw, for my liking.
ASIAGO CHEESE: Grated
PEPITAS
CRAISINS: Them are dried cranberries, if you didn't know
SWEET DRIED CORN: I think you can find these at Whole Foods, if your local grocery store doesn't carry them but they are pre-packaged freeze dried corn - don't question it. 
(Optional) ISRAELI OR PEARL COUSCOUS: Cooked

(As far as measurements go, all of the ingredients are pretty proportional to each other.  You only need as much as you think it would take to make a "row" of the item and can adjust it to your palate's liking.  Call me old-fashioned, but I usually do two rows of the arugula and one row of everything else, just so it still feels like a salad, ya know?).  

PESTO BUTTERMILK DRESSING
(Sidenote: I like to drizzle the dressing in a zigzag pattern, perpendicular to the rows of ingredients, for maximum impact when I deliver the salad to expectant diners)

PESTO: 1/2 cup
SHALLOT: 1 roughly chopped
AOILI: 1 cup mayo with lemon juice
BUTTERMILK: 1 cup
COARSE BLACK PEPPER: "Peppered"
LEMON: 1/2  lemon (juice only)
SALT AND PEPPER: As needed

In a blender, blend the first 3 ingredients, then add the buttermilk, then add the rest of the ingredients and blend them all together.

And that's all folks!

Now if you don't line it up in neat rows, like a cute little garden, you don't deserve to be making the salad at all! And don't you ever forget that! (Also, I think the salad possesses more pizazz when served on a rectangular or square shaped plate, but that's just me).  Best of luck, my pretties! 

Pineapple Express-ions

Today, I want to talk about pineapples.  Surprisingly or not, I have so many things to say about pineapples that I don’t even know where to start!

For one, pineapple is my favorite fruit.  Not super relevant, but it’s my start.  But I love the fruit for more than just its sweet, juicy essence.  What I really want to discuss is the SYMBOLISM (what up 10th grade Lit class) of the pineapple.  That’s right, "symbolism" is the practice of using a symbol to express a particular idea or quality.  (We’re talking AP level literary terms, right thar).   

It’s a long standing fact that the pineapple is the symbol of hospitality.  Just the mere image of this fair fruit is meant to signify warmth, welcome, wealth and friendship.  And because pineapple growth originated in the warmer horticulture environments of the Americas, I like to associate it with Southern Hospitality: A favorite concept of mine, since I love the South (my mom’s a bonafide Southern Belle from Georgia, ya’ll) and I love the idea of hospitality, because (hello!), it relates to entertaining.  If there’s one thing you can’t deny, them Southerners know how to throw a party! 

Couldn't choose which picture, so I put them all in.

In an attempt to summarize (not my strong suit) the history of how the pineapple came to represent hospitality, I will tell you this:  When pineapples were found in the “New World” they were rare and as a result, became a coveted commodity of King Charles II of England during the 1600s, who humbly told his constituents that they would make a suitable gift for him.  Yes, you read that right, pineapples were once deemed a gift fit for a king! As they became more prevalent, especially in these here American parts, larger, well-to-do homes used them to appoint the tablescapes of feasts during parties. 

What I find particularly amusing is that during a feast party (now referred to as: dinner party) of this nature, the dining room doors were kept closed prior to dinnertime to heighten visitors’ suspense about the table that awaited on the other side.  And THEN… at the exact, premeditated moment (and with the maximum amount of pomp and drama) the doors were flung open to reveal the table, which would be adorned with, none other than, PINEAPPLES, as decoration!  And that, is the tale of how they came to be associated with the high spirits of social events. 

Tada!!!!!

Now, if you were thinking storytime was over after getting through that “fairly brief” history lesson, then I’m sorry folks, but you were sorely mistaken.  Actually, I’m just gearing up to spin my favorite yarn about hospitality + pineapples.  You see, as pineapples developed this reputation, home décor began to feature the beloved pineapple.  Including, but not limited to, bed posts.  There is this thing, that's common below the Mason Dixon line, called a “Pineapple Bed.”  It has wood carved pineapples on each of the posts of a four poster bed, which is how it got its descriptive name.  See below.

The tradition is that you put the Pineapple Bed in your guest bedroom to show your visitor what a grateful and hospitable host you are.  However, should the guest get a little too comfortable in your home and as southern manners would label it, “overstay their welcome,” the pineapple bed makers have got you covered!  Conveniently, they have cleverly neglected to properly secure the pineapple ornament on the front right post of the bed, making it so that you can remove it and place it on the foot of the mattress.  By sneakily “and politely” placing the pineapple on the bed, your guests would then get the subtle hint that it was time to "kick rocks" and thus no one has to talk about any messy “details” or god-forbid, create an unpleasant situation. So much more civilized!

My grandmamma had a pineapple bed in the guest bedroom of her “river house” and I inherited it when the “river house” was sold.  And one day, you can bet your bottom dollar, I will be putting said bed in the guest bedroom of my house when I graduate to home ownership and the luxury of excess bedrooms.

Ok kids, NOW story time is over.  It’s time to get down to business.  More specifically, my wares.  Have you seen these babies in the Keeley Kraft Shop?

2 of these...

... plus 4 of these = the perfect recipe for a dinner party!

It is my intention that whoever the lucky purchaser of any of these items is, that they understand just how meaningful le pineapple is.  Now doesn’t it make sense why I chose to put an illustration of a pineapple on dining chairs (tablescape) and pillows (guest bedroom)?  I know, I’m so clever. 

How f*$%ing exquisite it this Studio Printworks wallpaper version of the pineapple drawing?!

Do you think that little girl took a crayon to the wallpaper just above the pineapple to the left of her?

I’m obsessed, and one day it will be mine.  In the black and crème colorway.  Are you thinking it should go in my future guest bedroom with the pineapple bed?  Wow, you must have ESP, because you just read my mind!

So…I'm all like, what’s up with the name though?  A pineapple literally could not be more opposite of an apple.  A pine cone, ok but an apple, no.  Explanation please!

Move over, Carrot Top!

Annie Get Yer (Paint) Gun

A reader contacted me after yesterday’s post and asked if I had heard about Annie Sloan paints.  I hadn't, so I put the name into Google and immediately found a world of links and photos attributed to this lady.   It appears that the breadth of project types one can complete with Annie Sloan’s paints is vast, and impressive. 

I found this overly-dramatic video claiming that this paint was the Best Paint in the World!  The video reveres Annie like she was the next Thomas Edison or had found the cure for cancer..  And for that reason, I would recommend you watch it purely for amusement’s sake.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: Annie Sloan - The Paint, The Person.

Although, after seeing the video, I was legitimately fascinated.  I mean, people with British accents giving such strong endorsements, made the whole thing seem very serious and credible.   My favorite line in the video is “it does come with a health warning from me, it is addictive. “  Heed that advice, readers!

In Annie’s defense, she has accelerated the refinishing timeline quite significantly.  The process requires no sanding, priming, or need for rollers and also provides for a quick drying time with usually a 2 coat max for most projects. 

The Albert Einstein of painting has also come up with a way to make brush lines virtually disappear with use of the Chalk Paint.  Genius!

To successfully execute an "Annie Sloan," you’re going to need both the Chalk Paint and the Soft Wax.  It is recommended that you also purchase the (expensive) special wax brush to avoid headaches down the road.

To begin, you should dump the can upside down for about a minute to allow the “nectar” that has settled at the bottom to be mixed around.  A little shaking and stirring is also advised.  Then, you apply the Chalk Paint using a paint brush (despite what the title of this post would lead you to believe), like normal.  You’re probably going to need to do two coats but my sources tell me that the paint provides  50% more coverage compared to latex paints, so the 1 quart can that the paint is sold in, can go a long way.   Also, it’s best not to paint with this stuff in the heat.  Don’t ask?

After the paint dries, the finish will probably appear very flat and dull, which is why you’ll be itching to spread wax all over it.  Waxing the paint also provides protection.  Due to the properties of the Chalk Paint, the chalky finish can be permanently stained from the oils in your skin or stains from beverages.  Therefore, it’s important to seal the paint with the wax finish to protect it.

If you’re going for that smooth, non-distressed look, you will apply the wax after the paint has dried (it’s mentioned incessantly not too apply to much wax, and after you’ve applied the wax with a paint brush, to wipe down the piece with a dry rag to remove any tackiness - no pun intended?).  If you’re wanting an antiqued, worn look, sand the piece after painting it with a 120 grit sandpaper and then apply the wax.

See, easy peasy! 

If you are interested in jumping aboard the Chalk Paint Train, The Purple Painted Lady, who deems herself an “Annie Sloan Paintologist,” has an entire tutorial blog dedicated to using these magical paints. 

Fair warning though, reviews state that the paint is not for the faint of wallet, as far as supplies go.  The stuff is what we call, “high-end.”

You can also find more how to information here and here.

The paint boasts that it can be applied to almost any surface, which according to one review, includes bath tubs (as well as metals, plastics and concrete - see above).  I love the idea of painting the outside of a free standing bathtub with a can of the black Chalk Paint.  With claw feet.  Can you imagine it?   Here are some pictures of exactly that in case your imagination isn’t running wild with the thought:

Jenna Lyon's (J. Crew's creative director) bathroom. J'adore! 

This one's just weird, so I had to share.  It puts the vain in vanity (almost?).

Just one, sexy, shade of gray. 

If you're seeing red.. 

And since, actually, orange is the new black: 

Might have to give ‘er a try!