Loyal readers, computer robots, people of the congregation: I NEED YOUR HELP. Gather ye round, gather your mamas, your mamas' mamas, and anyone within five degrees of separation of your online presence, because we have a mission. Or more, I have a mission and you are going to help me. Why? Because I said so.
Mission Objective: One of my BFF's (we go back like 10 years, yo) is getting married in 2 months. Last fall, at her engagement party, she pulled me aside, or into the powder room rather, and commissioned me with a v. specific bridesmaid task. With a straight face, she informed me that it was my duty and most important responsibility as one of her ladies in waiting, to get the honorable, Rebel Wilson, to attend one of the wedding events. (The Lady Rebel, is my amiga's numero uno chica de amor, comprende?). In the event that you have not had access to media for the past year and a half, allow me to proffer some testimony as to who this special human being is:
"At first I did not know that it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book."
Look familiar? Maybe this short video clip will help:
I think she [the bride-to-be] knew, at that time, that my chance to prove my worth as bridal party member would come. And it's finally here, in a totally coincidental and miraculous form of destiny. Using this "blahg" as a channel, we are going to bring our girl "home."
Mission Breakdown: This not-so-secret mission will commence at the time of posting. I am relying on the relationships of you elite readers and imploring upon you, to reach out and pull some strings!
We have exactly one month before the bachelorette party for us to get in touch with her, extend the invitation and coerce her to attend. And if, by some sick twist of fate, that doesn't work out, as a last ditch effort, the actual wedding ceremony/reception is in 2 months, where her presence will be even more momentous.
I will offer all ideas a seat at the table, so bust out that favor you're due that you've been holding onto for the right moment and network the shit out of your connections because as they say in Pitch Perfect (a Rebel classic) "if at first you don't succeed, pack your bags" ... and ya, that is just not an option. PLEASE, save me from a legacy as a "bridesmaid of dishonor." And just know, as we embark upon this journey together, I think you all have "fat hearts," and I have faith in every one of you!
So sound your REBEL YELL. Let's do this people!
I'll leave you with just a little more Rebel goodness to catapult you into your weekend!
Word to your mother.
